When children are the primary focus of a marriage, not only will the marriage suffer, but the children will be robbed of the benefits of a ‘marriage-first’ parenting style. When parents make their marriage a priority, it can lead to a healthier, stronger, and more beneficial family dynamic.
Dr. Stephanie Weiland Knarr says that parents who put their relationship with their spouse above all others, provides a deeper foundation for the family. This can result in improved child well-being, an example of a healthy relationship for the children to emulate, ensures that the marriage will survive unforeseen turbulent circumstances, and the eventual empty nest.
Marriage and parenthood are ancient concepts. Yet each marriage is forging a new path into the future for two unique individuals. Stephanie Weiland Knarr explains why making each marriage a priority is so valuable.
What a ‘Marriage First’ Relationship Looks Like
Having a ‘marriage first’ relationship is simple concept, but it may take some effort to achieve. The relationship was, before children, just two people in love, planning a future and spending time together. When children come along, those two lovebirds now have another person to tend to, love, spend time with, and make happy.
However, forgetting to focus on the primary relationship is the dilemma. No spouse wants to feel forgotten or cast aside, even if it’s unintentional. And although there is a shift in the dynamics of the relationship when children are involved, the relationship between the husband and wife should not be overlooked. The marriage still needs to be tended to, loved, given time, and made happy – just as parents do for their children.
Setting aside time for the spouse is key. For example, once a week take some time to have uninterrupted time alone with your spouse. Whether it’s a date night, shared activity or conversation and a cup of coffee, no matter how much noise the rest of the world is making, this time should not be compromised or interrupted.
If necessary, put this ‘marriage-time’ on a calendar, set a reminder or an alarm. Weeks can go by and the idea of a date night, or having alone time sounds great, but, especially with busy kids’ schedules time can fly right by. Having these reminders can be essential to ensure these dates are not missed.
Parents should also make the children aware of the scheduled quality alone time. This allows the children to observe their parents’ putting effort into their bond.
What ‘Marriage First’ Is Not
Prioritizing a marriage does not mean that parents love their children any less. This does not mean they spend less time with their children. It simply is showing the children how valuable the relationship between their parents is.
How Children Benefit
Children whose parents put their marriage first can benefit in many ways with:
- Improved educational performance
- Better social development
- Stable behavioral development
In addition to the above benefits outlined in various studies, devoted parents who focus on their marriage allows children to experience a healthy relationship firsthand. Creating a stable foundation in the home environment allows children to approach the world fearlessly. It also creates a base for the children’s future relationships, creating a high standard of expectation for their own relationships.
Closing Thoughts
Prioritizing the relationship will not fix every complication in married life. It is, however, a fantastic place to start. The benefits of a marriage focused family are abundant. Spending time with your spouse will benefit the relationship, the children, and the future of the family. Remembering that the marriage starts and ends with two people is what is most important.
